Rumor Has It: Time for Kevin Costner to go away.

*****SPOILER ALERT*****

If you like all the folks who star in this movie you might want to close your browser right now. I have to explain my motivation in seeing this movie. Observant readers might recognize that chick flicks are not my favorite genre. But I went to see it at as a birthday event for a friend of mine, and Memoirs of a Geisha wasn't playing. We have the coolest movie theater around here. It's called Smitty's Cinema Pub and you can order drinks and dinner while watching a film. The good food and company couldn't erase what was going on before my eyes although I wish I could erase it from my memory.

Rumor Has It is a fictional real-life take on The Graduate, as if it were based on the true lives of the characters in this movie. Jennifer Aniston plays the grandaughter of "Mrs. Robinson", artfully played by Shirley MacLaine. Jennifer is a woman in crisis - she's heading home for her little sister's wedding, she doesn't know if she's in love with her fiancee, she's in a dead-end job writing obituaries for a NYC newspaper and she doesn't feel a true member of her family. This is a hard place for a 39 year old woman to be in, and I almost wept for her.

Kevin plays the graduate, but all grown up and incredibly wealthy. Jennifer wants to meet him because she's got this crazy idea that he's her real father. She thinks her mom somehow picked up Grandma's sloppy seconds the week before her wedding. Using her reporters credentials she sneaks in to a conference where he's giving a speech. I swear, I was sitting there in the theater trying to understand the kind of BS he was spouting about Internet search engines. Jennifer is dazzled, of course, and it made me want to puke.

The true insult occurs in how the two get together. In an anticlimatic scene Jennifer learns he's not her father, that it's not possible. O.k., so now she's depressed and he takes her out to get drunk. In a sick and incestuous twist, she's turned on by him and they end up fooling around.

Compared to Shirley MacLaine Kevin was a big dud. O.k., he's a big dud all on his own. Maybe it's his softspoken manner or that he never seems to get mad. But I simply could not buy the relationship between Kevin and Jennifer. I found myself growing more and more annoyed every minute I watched this movie. Definitely not my happy place.