Mr. and Mrs. Smith: The Wedding Video

****SPOILER ALERT****
I admit I watched this movie with absurd fascination. With all the hoopla surrounding the birth of Brad and Angelina's baby I wanted to see how they fell in love. And while I have no hope of scheduling a sit down with the two of them to discuss it I had to opt for second best, and "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" was it.

Was this a good movie? Not really. As a married person I'm interested in stories of marriages in trouble, but as me, there must be some shooting or explosions going on or I will lose interest. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" is the story of two people who have grown apart in their five years of marriage. Oh, and they are both professional assassins, and have been hiding their profession from their spouse the entire time. This is a fascinating premise and I was extremely interested in the outcome.

They did a silly thing early on in the film. For a few scenes they pretended that the audience did not know what our protagonists did for a living. This led one to suppose Angie was going off somewhere to cheat on Brad (oh no!) instead of meeting him at the Caldwell's for dinner. Knowing what she was really up to, I was annoyed with the deception and I got that pissy frown on my forehead. In the same scene we are also treated to Angie in her best dominatrix-wear which is titillating until she whacks the dude in an effortless and cunning way. (Oops, that's a small spoiler).

This movie walks a very fine line with Brad and Angie's characters. They are both being asked to be meticulously well dressed, excessively attractive and expert assassins. But there is this undercurrent that Angie is better at everything. Brad trips and falls, has a stupid friend in Vince Vaughn, and was fooled by Angie in a very devious way. I wondered why he had to bumble about. They even have him shake a leg as he takes a public piss. It was out of character for him as a nattily dressed person. I thought it was unnecessary to the story to cut him down that way. But I guess it allowed him the opportunity to rise up and allow Angie to see what a real man he was. Blah. Kind of yucky.

I found Vince's sidekick schtick to be extremely annoying. He is so shrill in his assassin paranoia I wanted him to shut up. He dominated every scene with Brad which is understandable given his rapid-fire delivery compared to Brad's mouthful of marbles. You could tell Vince really practiced his lines. No mistakes, ever.

Jane and John's "get back together" scene was accompanied by gun blasts, kicks and punches which did make me wince a bit. Jane is supposed to be one tough broad but, even though she is behind the sofa, I did not relish the sight of him kicking her. He worked too hard at beating the crap out of her. I guess I'm old fashioned.

The movie has a lame plot twist toward the end that leads to the "REALLY LONG GUN BATTLE." (RLGB) That was cool until it was late and got boring. The only thing that piqued my interest was that our protagonists change their clothes and expose Brad for the metrosexual he really is. As Jane and John prepare for the RLGB they get all decked out in their superhero clothes, you know, the kevlar and stuff. Looked wicked snappy. But then they enter a home store and Brad 1.) comments on "what a good store it is" and 2.)changes into a matching gray suit with Jane. It was really unnecessary and a strange thing.

I can't say I would recommend this movie, unless you like spending time with Brad and Angie. Now that their baby has been born and photographed, the public has lost interest. I tried to imagine a sequel for this movie. Maybe they'll have kids and open their own assassin business.