Monday, November 07, 2005

Fair Game: A stinker of immense proportions.

*****SPOILER ALERT*****but no one will care.

I'll come right out and say it. Cindy Crawford's breasts are shown in this movie. Or a body double's. It doesn't matter. This is noteworthy because if this 1995 movie were made today, with the same actors (unlikely), there would have been only sexual tension in their banter in order to recieve the coveted PG-13 rating. This movie had enough of a stupid plot, dialog, and explosions to court the pre-teen market. But the boobs and the Baldwin-butt sex scene knocked the kids out of the running.

This was a really bad movie. And I typically enjoy them. I tried very hard to give Cindy the benefit of the doubt and I even gave her a small thumbs up as she told a bad joke with a goofy smile. What I'm ashamed of is Salma Hayek, cast as the fiery hispanic ex-girlfriend. She was shrilly overacting her part as she inexplicably worked to get Max' crap out of her apartment. I needed to know why she hated him so much. It was important to me. He seemed like a nice guy who was trying to get a new place. O.k., so they broke up. Why was she so angry? It didn't work.

There was the typical parade of villians with bad accents (Russian and Cuban) this time. They were really boring and predictable. I found the basis of the plot amusing - they were hacking into the PHONE LINES! Wow! That's catchy technology. They used MODEMS. This led to the annoying mistake. I could accept that they were tracking Cindy's location (through inexplicable mobile technology - a satellite on top of their black SUV?) when the cop uses her account to buy a pizza. Sure, the restaurant has it on file. She's a regular. But then, during their high paced race to safety, Cindy and Billy keep checking into hotels with her credit card. "Do you have any cash?" asks Max. Jesus, the woman was blown from her balcony by a bomb in her TV! "I have a credit card," responds Kate blithely. I saw her. She was wearing her blouse, (very short) skirt, and heels. I'll give them that she didn't lose her shoes in the lagoon but give me a break. She wasn't carrying her purse.

Yawn. I'll try to do better next time. I promise.


Chris said...

I'm laughing at the part at the end regarding cash and credit. It's just scary, really. You have to gate which movies you watch. I really think so. Or... change what you call this blog.

Paul McElligott said...

Which Baldwin was this again? Not the guy from The Usual Suspects and not the guy from "Homicide: Life on the Street." I've lost count.

At least we can take solace that any "Cindy Crawford Film Festival" will be mercifully short.

Putty said...

Cindy Crawford shows her breasts and I passed this up time and time again in the movie store? Shame on me! It seems to me that a movie of this caliber (as you've described it at least) should have that plastered all over the cover in bold-faced font. Hell, maybe they should have incorporated it into the title somehow, like "Supermodel's Breasts are Fair Game". Well, maybe I'll just Google for pics!