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Wednesday, August 10, 2005



Blade Trinity: Next Gen of Vampire Ass Kickers

*****SPOILER ALERT*****

I love surprises. Flowers, birthday parties, Christmas. Don't tell me what the present is! I don't want to know! Just surprise me. Which is what made me so happy about this movie. Who knew that Jessica Biel would be so fantastic as a warrior princess? And that Ryan Reynolds would deliver his lines with acerbic clarity while barechested? I mean, he *must* work out. Fabulous effort, Ryan!

I always like it when actors portray their characters with humility and Jessica did so elegantly. Perhaps I should thank the costumer but I loved her work with the bow and arrow and the zip up leather sleeves of her jacket. I appreciated that her boobs were under control. (Ryan Reynolds' were not, however, he flexed those pecs all over the place). The weapon of the day was the light-saber-bow-thingy which vaporized the vamps in a way cool fashion. She wielded it well.

Parker Posey never disappoints. In Blade she trades her mouthful of 'Best In Show' braces for a set of vampire teeth and acts sufficiently psychotic. Although I was a little skeptical as to why she didn't rip out Ryan's throat when he was slave chained to the floor, taunting her mercilessly. But we couldn't hurt him too badly, I guess. I would have liked a little bite, however.

Drake (Draco?) scared the pants off me in the beginning of the movie. I love a pop up! I really enjoyed the opening scene with the "soldiers" walking through the desert. I don't know if that was really Parker, but I thought - that's a woman! as she swung her hips and arms. I admit I was surprised when Drake took a human form. My mental image of men from antiquity include long hair. His military buzz cut was sexy, but modern. I forgave him when he too removed his shirt.

But wait a sec. What happened to Whistler? O.k., he doesn't get burned up in the warehouse because he comes back with Drake (doing his own dirty work, probably for fun) to steal the kid and Ryan. Then we don't see him again! Is he a vampire now? A ghost? Alive? If I missed something, please help me out.

Wesley does play Blade as kind of a cranky bastard loner but, in Trinity, he comes across as a little wooden, I thought. Although he railed at the team for the 'Hello' name tags, I found those funny. Nothing like a little in-your-face before you take 'em out. And as I mentioned before, what was up with the bicycle shorts? All my CSI watching has taught me that bodies are prepared by washing down with a hose prior to beginning the autopsy. Yet Blade leaps off the table - with pants on! I can just imagine him talking to the director: "My ass ain't going on screen. It's in my contract! You get me some pants or I ain't doing this scene!" I'm hung up about the pants.

One of my many favorite lines came from Ryan as Parker lay dying, "you wait here pumpkin, I'll go for help." I might not have gotten it exactly right, but that's about it. Another great line was delivered by Blade to the chief of police who was whining about being killed by the vampires if he snitched: "But they'll kill me!", he complains. "What?!, I'LL kill you, motherf***ker!" He seemed truly annoyed.

Call me crazy, but we're going to see Blade 4.

3 comments:

Chris said...

I loved the soundtrack and the grainy effects they used on this film. I read too fast to see if you commented on that.

Regarding Reynolds, he worked out hardcore. I had his workout in Men's Health. Somehow, I didn't follow it with the same zeal.

Related to naked Snipes, I've got the feeling he's hung like the Irish, because that would've been the most obvious male nudity moment in his career, and no show. (Not that *I* need to see it- none for me, thanks).

Hot flick, though. I liked Jessica Biel's first appearance, too. Kicking those Linkin Park kids' asses. Yeah!

DrtySouthDiva said...

That scene with Whistler was actaully Drake who is a shape shifter, so he was pretending to be Whistler, and oh Ryan is HELLA sexy in this movie, DAMN DAMN DAMN, he looks good. But this movie kinda disappointed me, i would think that the Father of all vampires would kiss ass alittle more than Drake did, and put up a bigger fight than he did. That was the only disappointing thing about the movie

Annette said...

Thanks to drtysouthdiva for clearing up the Whistler appearance! Excellent explanation. - Annette